Posted in Daily Muse, Mosaic, Project Serendipity


Tsutaya Bookstore, Daikanyama T-site

Sunday woke me up early with mild sunshine dancing among the chaotic white state of bed sheet, pillows, blanket and a teddy bear; and a breeze sneaking through the window together with the undistinguished talks of early risers at the train station.

Then Sunday went on to play Yann Tiersen and Charlotte Gainsbourg on the long abandoned playlist while I was having a quick bite for breakfast.

Sunday brought me to the dizzy Hamamatsu-cho station quietly and serenely. The ride pretty much made me feel I’m a stronger and more independent person, calmer in the turbulence thanks to the news I got on Thursday night and know myself a bit more. Several lines from In the Station of the Metro – Ezra Pound ran through my head with a background of Kodaline playing High Hopes and The One. People, trees, buildings, landscapes, flowers, everything passed by as the train moved on. Calmness and peace creeps into my soul. And there was a strangeness in my mind.

Instead of getting off at the usual Ebisu station to get to Daikanyama T-site, I picked another route (frankly speaking, I was just lazy to walk so I chose the longer way to avoid walking for 6 more minutes and took it as an excuse that I was getting out of my comfort zone). Anyways, Daikanyama station is a village-like, small and cozy station. I love this area thanks to its calm, peaceful and relaxed atmosphere garnishing with a Frenchy touch of boutiques and boulangeries.

I spent the whole day at Tsutaya bookstore (one of the most 20 beautiful bookstore in the world according to Flavorwire) and my heart was still there. Of all the places I have been to in Tokyo, T-site had me at the Library in the Woods theme, the design, range of books and the ambiance. I love the state of being here – it is so comfortable and relaxing being surrounded by books and nature. Reading is enjoyable at T-site, and that’s all I need, for now.

Sunday brought me the discovery of “Essays in Idleness” (Tsurezuregusa) and several other pieces of Japanese literature. Sunday sat me down to read Marina Abramovic – a performance artist with her strange taste in arts. Sunday flipped me through pages of B-Brand – the issue for Aesop and Pantone.

I keep thinking about conversations on the train…

Tsutaya does not stop at being a bookstore to me; it is a memory.

I might not figure out what I want yet; but I do know for sure what I don’t. 


Posted in Mosaic, Project Serendipity

Tokyo and Me

Senso-ji Temple – Goddess of Mercy

I have always wanted to put my thoughts down on paper since I moved to Tokyo 2 weeks ago to free up some space in my mind, de-clutter my heart and purify my soul, but thoughts were flying around, ideas got stuck and words became numbness.

Tokyo is a soulful city. Most thing gets boring after the second time cos after all, those are just places, until you get to feel the heart of it, but Tokyo is a soulful, sensational and sentimental city.

Because it is, my heart aches and excites at the same time the moment I feel the breeze in my hair, catch the sight of flowers along the road and see sunshine dancing through the leaves.

Because it is, I feel peaceful and lonely at the train stations, at the crossroads where waves of people passing by, where I can hear the thunder of feet marching up and down the platforms.

Because it is, despite the fact that my heart is heavy whenever I wake up in the morning, despite the fact that I am running from something I do not know, something so vague (or maybe because it’s just not right), something I do not really understand (well, maybe it’s better not to know) and seeking for something to materialize, I realize that the world out there is too beautiful to be ignored, that adventures await, that possibilities are to be explored and serendipity is bound to happen.

So, thank you, Tokyo, for being a soulful city, for being rich in culture, arts and design and for helping me to know more about myself.

Posted in Daily Muse

The Promise

Good and Beautiful

After all, Malaysia was a love-able and lovely experience. I am glad that you were the one who greeted me when I first came to MY and also the last one I kissed goodbye.

After all, if this trip was only meant to be for us to figure something out then I guess it was the right move when it came to an end. Hugs! I am thankful!

“It’s a long long way to miracle but I promise my soul that I will make it back home; because this world needs those good and beautiful miracles.”


Posted in Mosaic

Dear Malaysia,

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Thank you for 1 year, 1 month and 28 days (just a few more days to go).

Thank you for the journey and the memories.

Thank you for all the great people I’ve ever met, some are blessings and some are lessons, some stay, some leave their marks and some fade away.

Thank you for all the help, kindness and support.

Thank you for the laughs and tears.

Thank you for showing me that I can and always will be independent and stronger than I thought I could. Thank you for growing me into a better me (I believe!)

Thank you for the roller coasters and all serendipity that I ever came across.

Thank you for strengthening all the values that I hold dear to my heart. I might get lost sometimes and did not know where the compass showed. I might screw everything up and up everything screwed and cry my heart out. I might make a lot of mistakes – good ones and bad ones, old ones and new ones. I might lose my passion and dignity for life; but at the end of the day, maybe only kindness matters and resilience counts.

Thank you for the joy and pleasure, for the quarrels and makeups.

Thank you for enlightening me about what I want and what really matters. I hope I can learn this lesson better this time and score a better mark.

If I need to leave my heart wherever I go, I bet I do not have much left. So maybe I will be a little bit selfish here. Maybe instead of leaving a piece of my heart in Malaysia, I will bring a bit of Malaysia with me, along the way 🙂 (and I hope nobody minds that ^.^)

Thank you, Malaysia! Adventures await…

From me with love


Posted in Daily Muse

The Sunset

I have been listening to this song since 8pm on April 18, 2017 up to now. Non-stop. On repeat. This and only this. When I stared out of the window, looking up at the sky and clouds and trying to busy myself away from the thoughts, the song was on. Whenever I open my eyes, the song is on. Even in my dreams, it is playing and spinning. In my mind. Constantly.

When I see you again (or maybe when we see each other again?  I doubt that – we are not even in the same city; even a hug does not feel real), and I’m greeted as a friend, it is understood that we did all we could, or maybe I did all I could – even down to the level of being stubborn I may add.

It does not matter if I go or if I stay. It does not matter if we meet each other again. It does not matter if we have all those conversations we need/want to have sooner or later. It simply does not matter as all ways lead to the same destination, isn’t it? So I’d better save some for the memories.

I am sad and I do not want to lie to myself anymore or keep all my feelings locked up inside and pretend to be strong like nothing has ever happened. I guess I will just live true to what I am feeling inside – even if it’s a mess, it’s a part of growing up.

When I see you again, I’ll know not to expect and stay one step away.

I always thought it was sad, you know, the way we act like strangers. After all we had, we act like we had never met. Even though you told me not to be strangers, I can’t. We were more than just friends to me so I simply can’t – and I think that’s how we move on from relationships. I knew it was a shame that we have to play these games. I thought we knew each other, I thought I knew you. It felt like you really knew me. Now it feels like you see through me.

My mind generates a hundred thousand valid reasons to walk away but my heart has its own logic to stay. I guess I just need some more time to trust my mind and allow my heart to be strong and all I believe in. I can barely see you. Not anymore.

And don’t tell me you want to help me to solve my feelings. There is nothing to be solved here. You won’t be able to.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

The sunset.

It was beautiful, wasn’t it? It was…