Sunday woke me up early with mild sunshine dancing among the chaotic white state of bed sheet, pillows, blanket and a teddy bear; and a breeze sneaking through the window together with the undistinguished talks of early risers at the train station.
Then Sunday went on to play Yann Tiersen and Charlotte Gainsbourg on the long abandoned playlist while I was having a quick bite for breakfast.
Sunday brought me to the dizzy Hamamatsu-cho station quietly and serenely. The ride pretty much made me feel I’m a stronger and more independent person, calmer in the turbulence thanks to the news I got on Thursday night and know myself a bit more. Several lines from In the Station of the Metro – Ezra Pound ran through my head with a background of Kodaline playing High Hopes and The One. People, trees, buildings, landscapes, flowers, everything passed by as the train moved on. Calmness and peace creeps into my soul. And there was a strangeness in my mind.
Instead of getting off at the usual Ebisu station to get to Daikanyama T-site, I picked another route (frankly speaking, I was just lazy to walk so I chose the longer way to avoid walking for 6 more minutes and took it as an excuse that I was getting out of my comfort zone). Anyways, Daikanyama station is a village-like, small and cozy station. I love this area thanks to its calm, peaceful and relaxed atmosphere garnishing with a Frenchy touch of boutiques and boulangeries.
I spent the whole day at Tsutaya bookstore (one of the most 20 beautiful bookstore in the world according to Flavorwire) and my heart was still there. Of all the places I have been to in Tokyo, T-site had me at the Library in the Woods theme, the design, range of books and the ambiance. I love the state of being here – it is so comfortable and relaxing being surrounded by books and nature. Reading is enjoyable at T-site, and that’s all I need, for now.
Sunday brought me the discovery of “Essays in Idleness” (Tsurezuregusa) and several other pieces of Japanese literature. Sunday sat me down to read Marina Abramovic – a performance artist with her strange taste in arts. Sunday flipped me through pages of B-Brand – the issue for Aesop and Pantone.
I keep thinking about conversations on the train…
Tsutaya does not stop at being a bookstore to me; it is a memory.
I might not figure out what I want yet; but I do know for sure what I don’t.
I have always wanted to put my thoughts down on paper since I moved to Tokyo 2 weeks ago to free up some space in my mind, de-clutter my heart and purify my soul, but thoughts were flying around, ideas got stuck and words became numbness.
Tokyo is a soulful city. Most thing gets boring after the second time cos after all, those are just places, until you get to feel the heart of it, but Tokyo is a soulful, sensational and sentimental city.
Because it is, my heart aches and excites at the same time the moment I feel the breeze in my hair, catch the sight of flowers along the road and see sunshine dancing through the leaves.
Because it is, I feel peaceful and lonely at the train stations, at the crossroads where waves of people passing by, where I can hear the thunder of feet marching up and down the platforms.
Because it is, despite the fact that my heart is heavy whenever I wake up in the morning, despite the fact that I am running away from something I do not know, something so vague (or maybe because it’s just not right), something I do not really understand (well, maybe it’s better not to know) and seeking for something to materialize, I realize that the world out there is too beautiful to be ignored, that adventures await, that possibilities are to be explored and serendipity is bound to happen.
So, thank you, Tokyo, for being a soulful city, for being rich in culture, arts and design and for helping me to know more about myself.
Thank you for 1 year, 1 month and 28 days (just a few more days to go).
Thank you for the journey and the memories.
Thank you for all the great people I’ve ever met, some are blessings and some are lessons, some stay, some leave their marks and some fade away.
Thank you for all the help, kindness and support.
Thank you for the laughs and tears.
Thank you for showing me that I can and always will be independent and stronger than I thought I could. Thank you for growing me into a better me (I believe!)
Thank you for the roller coasters and all serendipity that I ever came across.
Thank you for strengthening all the values that I hold dear to my heart. I might get lost sometimes and did not know where the compass showed. I might screw everything up and up everything screwed and cry my heart out. I might make a lot of mistakes – good ones and bad ones, old ones and new ones. I might lose my passion and dignity for life; but at the end of the day, maybe only kindness matters and resilience counts.
Thank you for the joy and pleasure, for the quarrels and makeups.
Thank you for enlightening me about what I want and what really matters. I hope I can learn this lesson better this time and score a better mark.
If I need to leave my heart wherever I go, I bet I do not have much left. So maybe I will be a little bit selfish here. Maybe instead of leaving a piece of my heart in Malaysia, I will bring a bit of Malaysia with me, along the way 🙂 (and I hope nobody minds that ^.^)
My Weird Little World in 2016 can only be wrapped up in one sentence: I did live my life in full blossom and my soul, I did keep, totally, free 🙂
In 12 months:
January – One of the most amazing serendipity I have ever had with a stranger.
Thank you for giving me one of the most memorable New Year’s Eve and the after taste. It’s been wild and exciting, filled with thrill and passion and addiction. The attraction was merely intensive. Thank you for the movies and the music. Your vocal is really cute, and warm when you sing me every night before bedtime.
Me: This event is unforgettable. We did have fun and I, I lived in the notion of “I was simply living and experiencing without knowing we were building up memories at the same time.” The artsy part in me was awaken and I know myself a little more. I know that I love arts and that does not mean I can’t survive in the business world. In the corporate culture full of competition, being artistic and living with a style is my competitive advantage. It’s never easy to rise above everything in this world, but if I am lucky enough to be different and to have my own personality, I dare to stand out.
The work visa to Hong Kong.
Corporate is corporate; work is work, leadership is leadership and colleagues are colleagues. There should be a clear border for the classification of relationships. I guess now that I grasp the meaning of “Love all, trust a few.” Global citizens are meant to live in a global village. If I am lucky and good enough to have cultural competencies, I should be proud of it and seize every single opportunity and interactions.
February – The trip to Danang/Hue/Hoi An Ancient Town
I love Hoi An Ancient Town during January (Lunar Calendar). It really looks like a fairy tale filled with love and light. The lantern festival there is simply amazing. 03 new year wishes I made during this suspicious time simply came true. I can clearly envision how the cosmic was moving around these three wishes and “when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The first step, which is not easy as well, is to know what you want.
The Creative Communications training. I think I’m gradually figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Maybe yes? Maybe no? Definitely, maybe. I think it’s a yes. But no. But yes.
March – The news of promotion and the transfer to Kuala Lumpur
I love Vietnam office a lot, a lot and a lot. There are people and people, of course, but this office can be considered as my very first job. I am truly thankful for all the great people I have met here, who play a big role in shaping me the way I am today. Without the days in Vietnam office, I would never be able to be where I am now.
I will hold all those late-night talks, those crazy performances and rehearsals, those sleepless nights in the office and all the love and advises tightly to my heart.
April – Oh! I have been here for 2 weeks only!, the night drive and all by myself
Training in SG! Thank you for the decent dinner!
New project area, new city, new lifestyle, I felt like I was a baby again in the body of an adult (or maybe can I call myself an adolescence at the age of late twenties? Well, I don’t see any point that I shouldn’t). A lot of first times (it’s actually first time for every single thing. I can still remember how frustrated I was when I felt like I’m useless and helpless.) However, like the rose that rises from concrete, I feel proud of myself that I bloom where I am planted. At the same time, I’m also very surprised that I’ve been this far.
I used to think we would never be able to spend time together; but thanks to some twists and turns, we ended up driving around and talking till 4a.m. on my very first day in KL. I have no idea what our conversations were about – all I can remember is that I feel a bit closer to you. Thank you for being a great helper and for being patient whenever I throw tantrums as things do not go my way.
May– Here begins the chapter of “How to live alone in a city”
I was “fast and furious” searching for friends, companions, and whatever it was to fill up my own loneliness without learning to have a good relationships with myself. A lot of uncontrollable emotional outbursts during this time. H, thanks for always being a good friend that slaps me in the face and tell me “Social gatherings are supposed to make you feel fulfilled, not drain the energy out of you. If it wears you out without any thing good, screw it. Just chill at home and sing La La Land.” But I guess there are several connections just happen out of nowhere. Thank you for being the most wonderful “sister” in the world. I really do feel blessed that you are a part of my life. Amidst all craps, at least there is something worthy. You teach me about who really cares and who doesn’t , not just by telling me all this but by living it up to the bar. Your actions are always the strongest proof telling me you really care. Cheers to our sisterhood!
June – Numbness overdose
What? I am feeling something? Oh please put it on mute. Oh no, I need to do house hunting again?! Er sorry, I need some help, I’m moving tomorrow ^.^ I know I’m hard to please (and why should I be easy to please when I have my own standards and values and interests? Why can’t I just live truly to my own self right? It’s complicated, yes, so what? This is my life and I have full ownership of it. I treasure every single piece of it; and if it’s not right, it’s not right. I can’t fake feelings.) I guess this numb episode was the transition time so that I can reach just another level.
July – I found a place I would love to stay
Mom! I’m moving into a new house! And I like it here. My housemates are really nice and friendly. Okie, I think I’m settling down at this place.
August – Oh crap…! Such a cosmic joke. I guess I just started something. No! It’s not a relationship.
September – Happy Birthday and please, can you stop hitting on me? I have no time for your entertainment.
October – Oh wow, here I am, in Singapore for quite a sufficient amount of time…Grey’s Anatomy
November – All too well, bye!
December – What? It’s been a year already? Oh, it’s not a year babe, it’s just a blink.